You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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