This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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