i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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