You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize