So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
