Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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