My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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