first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
