I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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