you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
