i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
