too bad you live with your parents still
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
