Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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