wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize