Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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