I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
