Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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