Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
