ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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