how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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