you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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