I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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