Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
