dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize