I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
COCAINE IS GR8
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize