get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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