i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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