i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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