Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
