Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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