i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
