So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i barfeds in our rink
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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