There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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