you turned your livingroom into a bong?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize