I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
