He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
