my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
