You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
