Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
