I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
