there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
