the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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