she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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