i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
