i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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