Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
