Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
