Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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