I got chris browned last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
