i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize