My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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