I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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