There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
