are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
