PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Houston, we have a squirter
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
