I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
