I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
