In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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