Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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