Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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