I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
